He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
