Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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