Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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