There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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