when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
