Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
