Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
