Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
