I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No subtext here. People are naked.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
