I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
