my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
