ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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