Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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