I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
