His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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