Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
