I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
