The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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