I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
