I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she peed on how many people?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
