i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I smell like Dick and happiness
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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