Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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