Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
try to milk me bitch
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