I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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