you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
