fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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