Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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