you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
porn star boner night. come get it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
