omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
