If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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