I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
