This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
