happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
