i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
