for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
