hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
