We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
