Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
