My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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