im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
