What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
