Texts From Last Night

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  (224): View more from Illinois

  It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!

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  (224): It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU! http://tfl.nu/pir9
  Replies (47) Good night (5186) Bad night (898)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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  (617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z
  Replies (61) Good night (1205) Bad night (5740)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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  (903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw
  Replies (7) Good night (1311) Bad night (4825)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.

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  (616): Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson. http://tfl.nu/7vwr
  Replies (16) Good night (1169) Bad night (4646)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

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  (907): I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar. http://tfl.nu/wjyf
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (1076)
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  (310): View more from California

  Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?

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  (310): Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life? http://tfl.nu/un84
  Replies (4) Good night (3105) Bad night (1111)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball

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  (412): just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball http://tfl.nu/dojj
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (1513)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.

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  (701): I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this. http://tfl.nu/2wr9
  Replies (1) Good night (1602) Bad night (731)
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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  (331): DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME http://tfl.nu/8t0w
  Replies (7) Good night (2884) Bad night (720)
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  (805): View more from California

  I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

  (805): View more from California

  Why do I even exist?

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  (805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d
  Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (415)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.

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  (781): MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE. http://tfl.nu/t2xt
  Replies (4) Good night (651) Bad night (390)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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  (618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah
  Replies (2) Good night (789) Bad night (561)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.

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  (717): By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting. http://tfl.nu/zbal
  Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (415)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.

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  (781): also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lhc0
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (320)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket

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  (519): Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket http://tfl.nu/4d4u
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (318)

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