I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?