i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.