I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.