tell your sister to shave her snatch
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.