She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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