Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
