You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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