"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
