Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
