Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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