she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
