There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
