Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
