I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
