I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im at strip club and am horny
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
