I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
