my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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