yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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