I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
