mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
