If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
